Questions I Thought My T-Shirt Already Answered

There’s a meme going around with the pattern “My [X] t-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt,” where [X] is usually an unasked-for denial of illegal or illicit activity. I think it started with Mike Ginn’s “My ‘Not Involved In Human Trafficking’ Shirt” post, but other examples include “My ‘TOTALLY EXONERATED, NO WRONGDOING’ Ad,” and “My ‘I Will Not Participate In A Project To Overturn The Election,’ T-shirt.” To kill the joke completely, it hinges on the fact that vociferously denying something—at least when completely unprompted to do so—often tends to come out as far more suspicious than saying nothing at all.

All of this brings me to my point, which is to say that I am a very real, physical human being in a very real, physical world and most certainly not just a noisy subroutine in one of trillions of incredibly well-crafted universal simulations running simultaneously in some Jupiter brain somewhere. Definitely the former. Definitely not the latter.

On the rest of this website, you’ll find more details about “Richard Ford Burley,” about the “stories” they sometimes “write,” and about the other “projects” they “work on.” There’s a media kit with things like biographical notes and book info, and there’s a blog where you can find random thoughts and recent news. If you have any questions, or if there’s something you can’t find on here, you can use the contact form or just hit me up on Mastodon, where I microblog at

Take care of each other, Misfits. Be good.